The Wombat Game
by ifeelfreaky
Summary: crack!fic Much returns from Clun with a game that the rest of the gang can't stand. If you are a wombat, I am not a wombat, and this site is a wombat... is your computer a wombat? Well?


**My first crack!fic and I'm very proud of it, I have to say. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! :) Read, Review, and Enjoy!**

Much had been gone for a good long time – Four hours and seventeen minutes to be exact. Robin and the rest were all extremely worried about him and his whereabouts. Marian had even joined them in the forest for the occasion. To be truthful this was half the reason Robin had not ordered everyone to split up and look for dear Much.

"He's been gone for quite awhile," Djaq said. "Perhaps we should look for him."

"We really can't guess what trouble he's in," Will added. "I mean… it's Much."

Djaq pretended not to be hurt when she realized that '…it's Much' was a rip off of 'But…it's Djaq.' Why should she be upset? If Will had used her name instead of Much's it just would have been weird. Yes, it would have been very weird.

Robin glanced at Marian, who was holding his hand at the moment. She was biting her lip and watching the edge of the camp. "No, it's best to stay here." The finality in Robin's voice settled the matter.

John shook his head grimly.

-One hour later-

"I'm back!" Much proclaimed upon entering the camp. The gang leaped to their feet.

"We were about to go looking!" Robin told him sternly. Marian, John, Will, and Djaq all gave him disbelieving looks. "All of us were worried." And Robin truly had been, but… well… it wasn't often that Marian was with him for hours on end.

Much grinned and promptly sat down on his usual stump around the fire ring, wearing his silly grin continuously as he looked from one member of the gang to another.

After a few minutes of this behavior John broke the silence. "Well? Where have you been?"

Much was only too happy to tell. "I have been to Clun. There is a marvelous traveler there who was teaching us a game. It was too much fun to miss. Would you like to play it?"

Robin, still trying to make up for his disloyalty to Much answered cheerily, "Of course!"

Much seemed to sit up straighter. "So if I am a wombat, Marian is not a wombat, and Robin is a wombat – is John a wombat?"

"Excuse me?" John boomed.

"Just answer the question." Much looked expectantly at them.

Marian ventured first. "Of course not."

Much smiled. "Yes, he is."

The gang tried to argue but Much launched with another. "If Will is a wombat, John is not a wombat, and Marian is a wombat – is Djaq a wombat?"

Will jumped to defend. "Djaq's not a wombat!"

"Exactly!" Much beamed at them. "So if Djaq is a wombat, I am not a wombat, and Will is a wombat – is Robin a wombat?"

They were silent for a while. Djaq's voice sounded first. "No."

"Wrong. He is a wombat."

Insulted, Robin leaped to his feet, feeling that his pride had been injured somehow. "I am not a… a… a wombat! What is a wombat?"

Djaq, being the wise, educated one of the group calmly took out her dictionary. "Wombat," she read. "A burrowing marsupial resembling a small bear."

The entire gang looked at Little John. "I suppose then, that Little John is a wombat?" Djaq asked with a smile.

"Queen Eleanor seems to think so," Robin said, smirking.

Marian had to argue at this. "Djaq said 'small bear'. As I recall the story, it was Big Bear the queen mother called him."

John growled.

Much, annoyed at being ignored when he so much to share with them all, reverted attention back to him. "So, if Little John is a wombat, Will is a wombat, and Djaq is not a wombat – is Marian a wombat?"

"Much," Marian asked, "How is this a game? All you're doing is confusing us." Marian had asked this primarily because she really hadn't wanted to be referred to as a small burrowing bear.

Much smiled contentedly. "The game is for you to try and figure what the key is that makes it a yes or no answer. It could a gesture, a word said, or a pattern in the players."

"I'm still confused," Marian admitted.

"And I am hungry!" Robin proclaimed. "Since you're so late, our supper is as well."

"But… but, Master, the game…"

"Can wait," Robin finished. They were a little tired, a little confused, and a little hungry. No one objected that the game came to a close except Much. He grumbled about being under-appreciated throughout the rest of the night. The lot of them considered throwing spoons at him again. It had worked the last time after all.

The Wombat Game was not resurrected for the next week however often poor Much tried. "Not now, Much," Robin always told him, following it up with something important that needed done. Much would sulk for about an hour and then attempt to plot out another time to play his Game. It never came although there were a few jabs that maybe the squirrel they ate might be wombat instead. Needless to say, Much didn't find it amusing.

"We must have taken a wrong turn somewhere!" Djaq exclaimed as the gang looked around at the unfamiliar stone walls of Nottingham castle.

Indeed, for the first time, they were lost in the castle. Robin was hoping that Marian might come round to lead them out with that lovely exasperated sigh of hers, but that seemed unlikely.

It was then that there lives seem to literally close in on them. From either end of hall they were in came the pounding of feet.

"Oh, no," Will whispered.

"Master, we must do something!"

"I know, Much," Robin snapped. There were no windows to conveniently leap out of, nor were there any doors to dive into. What now?

"Robin," John hissed. But it was too late. The guards closed in on either said of them; Gisborne leading one side the sheriff waltzing in behind the other which was led by Allan. Guy wore a smirk that clearly said _Well, what did I tell you? I'm so much smarter than you if catching is this easy!_

"Nowhere to run, Hood," Guy said instead.

The sheriff put his two cents in after shouldering his way to the front of the guards. "Oh, this is rich! Hood and his little boy band are surrounded!"

Allan didn't say anything since he was feeling a bit awkward about killing his former friends. But then Guy gave him a severe look. "Yeah," he said. "What they said."

Robin and the gang had their weapons drawn and ready but there were too many and they knew it. If only they could distract them somehow! Distraction… Robin had it! He elbowed Much. "I promised you that we'd play, my friend. So who's a wombat?"

Much sputtered for minute, but took a hold of the situation rather quickly. "So if Djaq isn't a wombat, that guard is a wombat—" Much pointed vaguely at three of them "—and Robin isn't a wombat… Is Vaysey a wombat?"

The sheriff's eyebrows went up and Gisborne glared as was his hobby.

"Of course, he is," Robin answered immediately with a boyish smile.

"Hood, what is this nonsense?" Vaysey snapped.

"What is going on?" Marian's voice asked from down the hall. Upon turning the corner her eyes widened a bit. "I see."

Much started again. "So if Marian isn't a wombat, and Robin isn't a wombat… Is Gisborne a wombat?"

Marian seemed to think a little bit about it. "Yes," she called, sliding down the wall to get closer to the action.

Guy gave her a hurt look that made everyone think *spaniel puppy*.

"It is only a game," she said quickly, although secretly it had been fun calling him a wombat.

Robin surprised himself by speaking up. "And if Gisborne and the sheriff are wombats, am I a wombat?"

Much grinned.

Robin answered for himself. "A clue: no." He smirked at Vaysey.

Allan tried very hard not to laugh. Gisborne glared at Allan who put his hands up apologetically. Vaysey started screaming obscenities about outlaws and small forest animals while jumping up and down. The guards looked at each other and scratched heads while beginning would soon after be called the Great Wombat Debate. The gang simply watched the scene for a moment and then at a hand gesture from Marian followed her along the wall and out of the mayhem.

"I believe you lot owe me debt of gratitude!" Much proclaimed that night at camp. "You didn't think my game was worth it but look what it's done! It has saved all of our lives. I would also like to point out—"

"Much!" John glared.

"Well, I was just saying!" Much glared. "It's true, though isn't it?"

And this time they did throw their spoons at him.

**You've read to the end! I can only hope you're shaking with laughter or at least giggling. (Or chuckling if you're a guy.) I will not say what the 'key' to the game was but feel free to make your guesses in a REVIEW. I'll tell you if it's right or wrong. This is a legitmate game by the way and fun to play around a campfire.**


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